It's been over one week since I decided I had to talk to my mother about her boyfriend, and I have yet to achieve that goal. I am at her house right now trying to find the right opportunity. I managed, right before she popped out the door to go have a bagel at his house, to express that I did not want him to come swimming with us, using the words "I don't like how I feel around him". Nice and PC, no name calling, and really, that pretty much sums it up.
I am beyond the point where I feel the need to lay out all of this mans glaring faults to prove to my mother how inappropriate a partner he is, because he does this admirably whenever he opens his mouth. There is no love between them in any tangible way, and they don't even seem to know each other on even the most uperficial level: their conversations always hinge upon "Do you like...?" and "What would you...?" over the bare basics (food, movies, music) that are supposed to be established in the first month or so of an acquaintance...they have been together for over a year!
More to the heart of the issue is how bad it makes me feel to see my mother trying and pandering to meet the emotional needs of this man, who ostensibly takes no joy in anything, nor has anything positive to say about anything except cars and nature, while in complete ignorance of her own esteem, desires and values. It seems that she simply doesn't want to be alone in her own company, and will endure any manner of man (provided he is present and at least not abusive)to avoid herself.
This guy has bothered me since about 2 months into their engagement, but this really came to a head last week when she invited him along to a family trip that had been planned for months ahead without asking us first. Well, I shouldn't say completely "without asking", what happened was she informed me over tea 3 days before departure that she invited him along and he replied that he would come only if she wanted him to, to which she replied that she wanted him to only if he thought he would enjoy himself. F**K. I should have cut the beast off at the knees then by saying "I DON'T WANNNAAAA" and pulled a Fizzgig(see photo)
However, in a foolhardy attempt to bring peace, and that it was my mothers B-Day trip anyway, I replied that if he really wanted to come he should just make up his mind to do so now (he wanted to wait till the morning of the trip, in case it was raining, for if so was he wouldn't go...we were just going to bloody Victoria, not sailing to the outer Herbenies for Christs sake). To my everlasting despair, he agreed to come along.
We first went to the Horne Lake caves, which was pretty damn awesome, and which was also nice and outdoors, so he didn't complain much there, except for one instance that just turned my stomach when we decided to slip off the path to see a cave that was supposed to be out-of-bounds. There were several other people wandering around where the path broke off, so I told them we were gonna pass the boundary, and asked "you wouldn't tell on us would you?". Of course, they chuckled and replied that there was too much ridiculous red-tape in their lives as well, happy journeys, we'll call base camp if we don't see again long after you're probably dead. So we happily proceeded, asses covered, until the Mr. says to me, "never tell anybody something like we going here, cause now that guy is just going to tell the ranger. You can't trust anybody". Bagah?! Am I so "young and naive"? Pish tosh! How can anyone stand to be on earth with so little faith in their human fellows?
From that point on, there was nothing that he did that was not extrodinarily aggravating, from not ordering any dinner at the "propagandizing" vegetarian chinese restaurant and then immediately after complaining of hunger and settling on 2 slices of the 75 cent homelesspeople special at a rundown pizza joint, to falling asleep at the Jazz festival. The entire trip, he had nothing good to say about anything we saw or did. And my mother was right there the whole time, constantly asking, "well, how about this?" Or "Would you like do blah blah blah?", with him just hoo humming in bland reply, and not coming up with a single thing that he would really like to do, except eat a particular flavour of Baskin Robbins ice cream (no other would do) and go car shopping (with no intention to buy).
The end result is that I never want to spend more than 5 minutes in this mans company again for as long as I live and breathe. I am very unfortunate to have met someone like him in one of the worst possible relationships. If he made my mother genuinely happy, that would be one thing, but they just seem to be two lonely depressed people sharing the same space.
I'm still young, so I can't possibly appreciate that maybe being with anyone is better than being alone when you get older, but I really hope that is never me, nor frankly anyone else I love.
No man is an island, but an island should always have some of it's very own healthy happy vegetation. A poor fate always awaits those rely on heavy imports.
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