Freebies

Having just witnessed the scramble of my roommates in their admirable move of umpteen boxes of stuff out of our old house -may she rest in peace- my mother decided that she wanted to clear some things out of her house, you know, while the light was still green for "go". And she unearthed some treasures from my teen-years that make for easy entries - "artwork", and crap you write down in a "personal" journal with the vain and constantly self-thwarted hope that someone totally awesome will pick it up where you "accidentally" left it, read it, and think you are the hottest thing since picked peppers and Miracle Whip. The following entries are unedited, un-spellcorrected, uncensored, and totally fierce! Bracketed comments are my adult wisdom laughing audibly at my pathetic adolescent feelings.

January 1st, 1995:

Get out of rut (I was getting a little tired of the all-perogy diet)

Resolutions:
Have Martha Steward assasinated (whatever did she do to earn my death threat?)
Stop being a @#!@ (still working on that one)
collect, hobby, get going, do something (I would be totally lost if I hadn't set such lofty goals for myself).
Write better poetry (how about "write no poetry", that one I can do)
Don't watch bad TV (Does Reno 911 count?)
Leave you now, see you later (I fulfilled this one terrible well without wanting to)

We're not getting away (underlined...for emphasis).

January 2nd, 1995

11:30 Eden's house 5548 Manson, guitar remember (As if I could forget, I was madly crushing on the boy. This note was left for the one and only purpose of making Grumpus seethe with envy).

The outhouse w/moon carved
in it is way too small
and the smell will make you
go insane, real back to nature
propane luxury (poetry: because less really is more)

January 3rd, 1995, Schooooooolllllllllllll

Personal Profile (just a friendly reminder for forgetful ol'e me)
Name: #######*******%%%%%%%% (must protect...identity... from....Internet)Phone: ****
Address, *(*(*)HHDHJJLSKJSLJ Powell River, B.C (suffice it to say this information was all correct and dutifully recorded).
Favourite band(s) babes in Toyland, Sonic Youth, Nirvana (I pee-ed my pants at a solemn beach vigil for Kurt Cobain, and would have eaten babies for a piece Kat Bjellands ribboned tresses)
Movie: Transformers T.V. Show: Transformers/X-files (But in a fair fight of Mulder versus Optimus, Optimus was always the true conquerer of my heart).
Current obsession: Tranformers/pepsi (the boy, so dubbed, not the drink)
Hobby(s) guitar, poetry I HATE ALL SPORTS
Greatest fear: 1996 (Y2K can suck it)
MMM (that's Most Memorable Moment for all yous illiterates) Friends and I burning New Kids on the Block tapes and screaming Weird Al's "dare to be stupid" (This is a complete fiction. How embarrassing to think that seeing how I felt that I had to make something up, that my imagination could not think of anything more impressive. Damn, I mean, "the first time I snorted heroin" would have probably earned me more admiration)
MEM: Grade 6 (The first year I rejoined humanity, there were some awkward moments, like walking upright and trying not to bite)
Favourite saying: We're all going to die/ run save yourself/ NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO (If I had I loonie for everytime I uttered those words, I might be able to buy someone a steaming pile of nothing)
Favourite song: Tom Violence (oh the haunting vocals of Thurston Moore)

(Post script) Heartfelt bullshit (can I get an "oh yeah"?)

January 4th,1995

null glitter pony promises
honey homely, paget princess
Angel bleed
Angel lead
verhain starburst (I don't like this shade for the drapes, dear, it's a little on the verhain side).

And aside from the Transformer Checklist, and a couple of long since pirated glitter-crayon drawings, that is all she wrote. I think keeping my shame on record like this will help me forgive it in those still farting through their teen years, aggressively unaware that the real suffering is waiting in the hidden dark of Grown-up land, to pounce on them and tear their thorny hearts out. Stay tuned for the glorious pictures.