Why I hate my hrududu

It's lady-driven.


My car has never done anything bad to me, except cost me a reasonable amount of money to keep and insure, and take me places that I would normally have biked. It's a good piece of machinery, so why do I hate it's diesel-stained steel guts with so much venom?

Because the bitch ain't half the freedom she promised, thanks for lying to me Edward Bernaise. I wish I could turn my car into a time machine so I could go back in time and slap Freuds cock out of your mouth.

So I put it up for sale on Autotrader and Craigslist. I was expected scores of spam from craigslist; I am glad, in fact, that no one wrote offering to rape and kill me Thank god I didn't try to sell it in Seattle.

I thought that Autotrader would be a haven from such problems; turns out it isn't, as my good friend Sergeant Barlow has so eloquently pointed out below. The only two expressions of interest I got from Auto Trader were in fact along these lines:

"Hello,

I am very glad to receive the information of your Vehicle but i will like to confide in you as regards to a business proposal i would want us to work together like blood brothers. I am a war veteran with the United Nations troop in Iraq, on war against terrorism. I served in the US Army’s 3rd Infantry Division’s Baghdad.

Based on the United States legislative and executive decision for withdrawing troops from Iraq come next year, I have been redeployed to come and work in Canada on the platform of North Atlantic Treaty Organization (NATO) soon. Our mission is to help beef up terrorist targeted states, mostly the United States and the European Union on the war against terrorism. I will need a Vehicle for myself and to SET UP CONTRUCTION COMPANY AND OTHER INVESTMENT and that is why I contacted you.

On the other hand, i would like to inform you that i have in my possession the sum of 16.2 million U.S. dollars. Which i made from crude oil here in Iraq. I deposited this money with a Red Cross agent informed him that we will contact the real owner of the money. It is under my power to approve who is eligible for this money.

I would invest the money in Canada as soon as you agree to keep this fund safe in Canada for business and other investment purposes through you, but you will advise me on that because i am not a business culture person. I can not move this money into the United States, because i will be in Canada for about 4 years, so i need someone i could trust. If you accept, i will move the fund to Europe, where you will be the beneficiary, because i am a uniformed person and i can not parade such an amount, so i need to present someone as the recipient. I'm an American and an officer for intelligence, that i have a 100% authentic means of transferring the money through diplomatic courier Service. I just need your acceptance, and everything is done. Please, if you are interested in this transaction, i give you the complete details you need for us to implement this transaction successfully. I decided to contact someone i could trust and real and not imaginary, and that is why i went to a safe place in the vehicle web i can be sure that the person is real.

I think i can trust you, where we are now we can only communicate through our military facilities, communication is secured, so nobody can monitor our e-mails, then i can explain in details to you. I will only reach you by e-mail, because our Calls might be monitored, i have to be sure; i have to deal with someone i could trust. If you are interested, please send me your personal mobile number so that the diplomat in London UK can call you for inquiries and how to bring the box that contain my money to you. If you are not interested, do not respond to this e-mail and delete this Message if no response after 3 days, i will then search for someone else.

I wait for your contact information details, so that we can go on. In less than 4 days the box should be in your possession, and i will come for my money. I will give you 30% of the total and 70% for me. I hope i have been fair to this deal. Get back to me with your full information:

Your full name ..............................................
Your full address .......................................
Your direct phone number ................

Sincerely,

Sgt. Frank R. Barlow."

The thing that I like about this letter in particular, besides that it manages to parlay the sale of a used VW into an War-on-Terror Iraqi oil profiteers unwitting confession, is the way it manages to drop so many connections that the average person wouldn't make regarding the whole-sell raping of Iraq. Claiming, as a soldier, to have made millions on crude oil in Iraq and to have left the money with the Red Cross is clearly preposterous. However, the various proper nouns dropped do link Iraq-Nato-Terrorism-Oil-UK-USA in a positively comical, though perfectly true, way. How he expects to work with me as a "blood brother" through the auto sales ad will remain a mystery for all eternity. Nevertheless, there is an forth-rightness and matter-of-fact feel to this letter that could only exist because the writer is nowhere near whom he is pretending to be. I wonder how an actual Sgt of the 3rd infantry division in Baghdad would have worded a similar proposal. Probably not with the statement "I made 16.2 Million dollars selling crude oil from the country I invaded under the pretext of liberation from 'terror'".

I did finally sell the car to a hearing impaired retired bush-pilot who had no opinions on this matter, and only caused me minor embarrassment when he yelled at the insurance man over the $101 dollars of difference per yer in insuring a car versus a motor home. May it serve him well.

Sorry Sgt Barlow, I too neither am the business culture person you are looking for.